Kia the Big Baby

My sister Kia is a big spoiled baby, let me tell you that. She always does those things our parents call inexcusable and bad and gets away without punishment. She also never ever does the chores we’re both supposed to do. Why do I have to do everything? Why do I always have to be the one who takes the trash out? See, our trash bin is in the backyard, and you know what: the Spider Monster lives there, in the bushes. Yes, I’ve seen him – he’s as big as poppa’s lawn mower. He lives in the bushes next to the Wilsons’ yard. The Wilsons are our neighbours and Lara Wilson is their daughter. Oh, maybe Lara told the Spider Monster to make his webs there, in our bushes. She said she had seen him in her house too, but she said she was not afraid of him. She says she is a big girl now and is not afraid of Monsters. I told her not to come to my tea parties if she was a big girl now. She must be mad at me, and that’s why she told the Spider Monster to come into my house.

So I have to go outside to throw the garbage. Once I told Kia that it was her turn to throw the garbage and when I tried to give her the bag she just wrinkled her nose and started flapping her hands like a tiny little birdie. Sometimes I think she would fly away, flapping her hands like that. But hey, I don’t like the smell either. There are pooped diapers in the bags, and fish, and banana peels and smelly cans.

I tell momma all the time they’re not being fair, but she doesn’t even listen to me. She just pats my head and looks at me strangely. Her eyes are very white when she pats my head. But momma has black eyes when she’s smiling, so I think she goes sad when she pats my head. Kia has the same black eyes as momma has. She never looks momma or poppa in the eyes when they talk to her or scold her if they ever do so. She doesn’t even look down when being told off. I always look down into my toes when momma scolds me. But Kia no, her gaze just bounces everywhere, just like that bouncing ball poppa bought us, with glitters inside it. She just stares at the mess she made. Sometimes I think she loves to pretend she doesn’t understand the gravity of the situation – as would momma say when I’d do something bad.

Every time momma and poppa leave us alone, I’m supposed to sit in the room with Kia and watch her play. This is so boring and unfair. Why does she get to play and I don’t? One time, while she was playing her stupid game, I don’t know if that can be called a game at all, ordering and reordering the stupid coloured cubes in a row over and over again; a note came from Koll the Rabbit Messenger that I was urgently needed in my castle. I mustn’t leave Kia play her game without a watch – it is momma’s and poppa’s rule – so I ordered Koll the Rabbit Messenger to take care of Kia the Big Baby while I was taking care of my more important castle duties. This way Koll the Rabbit Messenger became Koll the Rabbit Watcher. At that time, Mia the Princess Bear had visited my castle and desired to have a tea party with me. So we sat down in the dining room in my castle and I poured her one of my castle’s best pumpkin teas. She liked the tea very much.

She noticed something was wrong and asked me to tell her what was going on. I told her how life was unfair, how I had a big spoiled sister, how momma and poppa made me watch Kia the Big Baby play while I wanted to play myself too. I then explained what Kia the Big Baby was playing, I described the plain coloured cubes and the ways she ordered and reordered them so many times a day. “That’s a very stupid game!” said Mia the Princess Bear. I told her “Yes, I know!

When after a while momma came home, she started yelling and scolding me for leaving Kia the Big Baby alone. Apparently, Koll the Rabbit Watcher had fallen asleep during his watch, and Kia the Big Baby ran away. I could not explain to momma about Koll the Rabbit Watcher because she wouldn’t understand – grown-ups just don’t understand anything. Instead, I decided to fire and punish Koll the Rabbit Watcher for his unprofessional behaviour. This way Koll the Rabbit Watcher became Koll the Rabbit Prisoner.

As for Kia the Big Baby, while I was honouring my noble guest, she managed to get to the kitchen and find the hidden scissors. I don’t know how she even noticed where momma had put them with that bouncy gaze of hers. Anyway, being older and taller than me, she reached the cupboard, took them and for some reason I did not understand, cut her hair short. Why did she cut it? Her hair was beautiful, way more beautiful than mine. She did not have lice, she was clean. Momma always baths her thoroughly, unlike me. I am always bathing myself. Maybe she was afraid she would get lice, so she cut it not to.

When momma had found Kia sitting on the kitchen floor with the scissors in her hand, she crashed on the floor, kneeling, slowly reaching toward Kia’s hands. I’ve never seen momma have such a look on her face. In a second, she became as white as the sweater she was wearing. Was she feeling sick? I was scared when I hear her silent voice.

Kia darling, let me see your hands, darling. Come… Look what I brought you from the mall today – a shiny little toy you see – –

She then took out a flashlight out of the bags and turned it on. A toy? A flashlight is not a toy. Poppa said that when I took his old one, the one I broke, by accident I swear. I was exploring and searching for trolls in the dungeons of my castle. The dungeons were very dark and that’s why I needed a flashlight. And then when I was searching behind the washing machine a big hairy troll fell from over the machine and said “Bam!” and I was scared and ran away. “Flashlights are not something to play with. Now go and throw it into the garbage!” He said and made me visit the Spider Monster. “I’ll buy a new one dear.” Said momma, and kissed my forehead.

When the light came out of the new flashlight, Kia threw the scissors away and grabbed it. She started inspecting it quietly.

Kia is always quiet though. I have never ever heard her say a word at all. That is why I’m mad at her. She never invites me to play with her or shoos me away. She never asks me how I am, or tells me why she was doing all those foolish and bad things. She never complains about me to my parents. We never fight. We never laugh. She never comes to my castle to gossip everyone or drink tea. She never hears or gives advice to my problems. She never asks for advice either. She just does ridiculous and stupid things quietly. She swings on the tire swing upside down, smells the fake flowers every single time she passes through the hall even if it’s hundred times a day, she flaps her hands every time she wants to go to the bathroom, or rocks silently while sitting. She just does strange stuff without explaining. She causes troubles wherever she goes. She breaks and destroys things whenever she has the chance too. And what’s worst of all, poppa and momma seem to love all those inexcusable and bad things she does.

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